Wednesday, March 30, 2011

To Hide or Not to Hide?

I've been working on this blog for a few days, writing posts that will automatically post in the coming days and registering my blog on free search engines. However, I haven't shared it with any of my friends or family.

I'm afraid that if I let them read my posts that they'll think I'm being hypocritical, or that they will think that I'm not doing as well as I think I am. I'm afraid of their criticism, afraid of disappointing them. What if they think I'm a fraud?

I've never been very open about my depression before. When people ask how I'm doing, I'll respond "I'm ok," or "I'm fine." Nobody really wants to know how I'm doing. Or, if they do, I don't want to tell them because there's really nothing that they can do to help.

But, my family and friends are my support system, so I probably should share my blog with them. Even though their advice or criticisms might be a hard pill to swallow, I need to be challenged right now. I need to know the things that I can't see in myself.

I know for sure that my mom will read my posts. She's always been there for me, in the front row, cheering me on. I already mentioned to her that I was working on a blog, so I think she'll be the first one I'll tell. Then, maybe I can start opening up to more people after that.


  1. That's right...I'm your #1 cheerleader (and always will be)! I do feel bad that I had no idea how you've been feeling or how long it's been going on for. PLEASE call on me whenever you need someone to talk judgements. I will admit that it's hard to always know the right thing to say or the right thing to suggest - just bear with me if my ideas aren't always the ones you need. I LOVE YOU!!!!

  2. Love you, Mom. It's ok to not have the answers. Just having you there to listen can be just as important.

  3. You are amazing to be sharing all of this. I had no idea what you've been dealing with, of course. People who are depressed are great at covering it up when in public. I know.

    Similar to you, I've spent most of my life fighting the pull of depression in different ways. About a year ago, I couldn't fight it off anymore. That sweet little third baby pushed me over the edge! I was overwhelmed and desperately hopeless. I've started taking some meds that help quite a bit, but some days just suck.

    I think that there is less and less of a stigma these days about depression and RX medications. I hope that you are finding that to be true too.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

  4. Amy Jo - I can't believe the number of people who have been telling me lately that they, too, struggle with depression. Honestly, I would never have thought that you had the same problem. It just goes to show you that this is a very silent, invisible, growing issue.