Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Going Back Home?

Today I met with my psychiatrist. Medication-wise, I think things are going well. I've been feeling more up than down and I've only missed one day of work since I returned 20 days ago.

I can't believe it's already been 22 days since I got out of the hospital!

Because I've been doing well and taking care of myself, showing up to work and not having any suicidal thoughts, she asked when I thought I'd be moving back home.


20 says might seem like a lot for some people, but it seems like such a small drop in the bucket to me. Sure, I might be ok moving back home now, but I can't really predict. Will I go back to old habits when I'm back in the same place where I originated those habits? Will I feel overwhelmed by the simple things like cleaning the house and taking care of the pets?

I really have no way to predict, and that scares me. I could be fine, or I could spiral back down again. Where I am now, there's routine galore, but at home, there is no routine. I'll have to make my own, and it will be hard to adhere to when nobody else is following routines.

Plus, what will I do when nobody is home? Where I am now, people are around almost every evening. That's not true at my home. People are off to school or work at all hours of the day and night. Will I be productive while they're gone or will I just sit in front of the television and avoid life?

I guess the only way to know the answers to any of my questions is to give it a try. Over the next few days I'm going to start mentally preparing myself and then make the move. Let's see how it goes!

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