Priorities

The last week and half has been hectic, dealing with the new pups and everything that goes along with that. During that time, I stopped putting myself first and went back to old habits - eating crappy food, not sleeping enough, not taking the time to put on makeup, etc.

So, I'm trying to find a balance. How do I deal with taking care of others but still make sure to take care of myself and the things I need to do, like go grocery shopping and doing my laundry?

Therapy - What Do I Need?

Over the past few years I've been to two different therapists. I stared seeing each of them while I was deep down in my depression. Once they saw that I was happier and less stressed out, they started saying things like "I think we can go longer in between sessions," or "Do you think you still need to see me?"

I'm still not sure, though, that I've really tackled the issues that contribute to my depression. Even though I'm currently feeling better about myself, my tendency towards self hatred implies that I need to work on my self-image and self-worth. I still get into situations where I take on more than I should, either because I feel like I can't say "No" or because I genuinely think that I can handle it (but then it turns out I can't.) Plus, I'm sure that I've got some codependency issues floating around in the mix.

Building Self-Esteem

For the past few years, I have had a folder in my inbox where I put any emails that contain compliments or thanks. I haven't ever looked back into it, but I know it's there, waiting for the right time. I also have a few thank you notes and hand-written "kudos" hiding in my desk at work.

I've decided to take all of these little gems and put them into one place. That way, when I'm feeling down, I can go there and find something that will help life my spirits.

I got a nice spiral bound notebook from Borders and it's got some pockets and see-through pages interspersed throughout the pages. That way I can take some of the hand written notes and put them in there, but I can also transcribe the emails onto the pages.

Maybe I'll take a look at it every morning, or those mornings where I just don't want to get up and go. Or maybe I'll look at it every night. Either way, I think that having a little haven for these positive tidbits will help me feel better about myself.

Every Night, Thank Yourself

Got this wonderful idea from my best friend, who happens to also be battling with depression right now.

Every night, thank yourself for doing something healthy or positive that you did that day.

When my friend first suggested this to me, I immediately started thinking "What in hell would I thank myself for?" From her examples, and a little but more of my own soul searching, I realized that they don't need to be huge things. Just one small thing every day is more than enough.

Looking back on the past few days, here are some things that I thank myself for:

• Thank you for getting up and going to the psychiatrist. I really needed that appointment to get help with the problems my insurance company is giving me about increasing my Lexapro dosage.
• Thank you for eating three meals a day. It's nice to not have to be hungry all throughout the work day.
• Thank you for taking the time to dress up. I got lots of nice compliments and I felt better about myself during the day.
• Thank you for opening up to my friend today. It got things off my chest, let them know what has been going on with me and meant that I got hugs. Hugs always make me feel good.

As I've mentioned before, I'm really loving routines, so I'm adding this one to my nightly routine!

Taking Pride In Yourself

When I'm depressed, one of the first things I start to slack off on is taking care of myself. I stop going to the doctor for routine appointments; I don't bother wearing makeup; My finger and toenails go ages without trimming or filing; Shaving seems harder than just covering up; Brushing my teeth doesn't even enter my mind most mornings as I'm trying to rush out the door to work.

I'm sure that a lot of people would attribute this to laziness or lack of personal hygiene, however I know that I should be caring about these things. It's just that, for whatever reason, they stop occurring to me. I'll go weeks without clipping my toenails, and the only reason I'll end up taking care of it is because I've started to scratch myself with my own nails! Up until I notice that it's become a problem, it wasn't even on my radar.