Friday, April 15, 2011
Therapy - What Do I Need?
I'm still not sure, though, that I've really tackled the issues that contribute to my depression. Even though I'm currently feeling better about myself, my tendency towards self hatred implies that I need to work on my self-image and self-worth. I still get into situations where I take on more than I should, either because I feel like I can't say "No" or because I genuinely think that I can handle it (but then it turns out I can't.) Plus, I'm sure that I've got some codependency issues floating around in the mix.
My current therapist thinks that my self-hatred issues can be resolved by reading a book and doing the exercises in the workbook. In the back of my mind, though, I have to wonder - Isn't that what I'm here for? Last session I told her about some of the great ideas I've been talking about on the blog - thanking yourself, making a "brag book" with all the different "kudos" I've gotten, etc. She thought they were all wonderful ideas and even wrote a few down for her to suggest to other patients. But still, we haven't really looked at why I don't like myself
I guess I'm going to have to get aggressive. The thought of looking for a new therapist is daunting. First, I'll try to talk with the current one and tell her that I need some more help and that I'd rather do the work with her instead of reading the book. Hell, I don't care if she tells me to do the same thing the book does. I would just rather do it with someone and have someone personally challenge me. When a book asks you personal questions, you can just move on without answering. Having a person ask those questions means you really have to think about it and answer it!
If I feel that she still can't challenge me enough and get me out of my comfort zone, I'm going to have to move on and look for another therapist. Here's to hoping that I can get things back on track with this one!