This week I feel like I'm starting to lose ground, that I'm walking in stilettos on a cobblestone road. I'm still upright, but things are shaky.
I haven't been as productive as I was last week. Maybe I wore myself out? I've still been pretty good at getting home and taking the dogs for a walk, but I've spent a little more time in front of the TV than I'd like, and I haven't touched the bathroom project again.
There was one day where I could not get going. I didn't follow any of my back-up plans - reading my letter, or jumping in the shower and then deciding what to do with my day. Instead, I hit snooze and ignored life.
I feel like I had a month of sobriety and then I just took a drink; I'm back to square one.
But, I need to not think that way. I'm not back at the beginning. It was just a little stumble; I've pulled myself back up again and brushed myself off. My knee might be scraped up a bit, so I'm moving a little slower than usual, but I'm at least going!
My girlfriend did a great thing for me. She printed out a little letter of her own and posted it next to the bathroom mirror. It says all sorts of great things like "Do today is do something positive for yourself or others, even if that's just getting out of bed." When I walked into the bathroom one morning and found that letter, I knew that it was worth it to keep going.
I'm actually contemplating etching something into my mirror, something like "You Are Beautiful" or "Participate in Life." I have two mirrors, side by side, so I could put one on each. Once I find the right words to put up there, I'll see everyday what I have to look forward to.