Relationships bring out strong emotions in all of us, but what about those of us dealing with depression? I would assume that in every relationship people experience highs and lows, but maybe not to the degree a depressed person does. To me, every high feels like walking in the clouds, and every low feels likes walking through fire.
The past month has been focused on me and my recovery. Everything I do, I do selfishly, because I need to focus on myself, love myself and care for myself. Unfortunately, being selfish is not conducive to healthy relationships. Focusing too much on me means that other people get left out of my thoughts.
This, of course, leads to hurt feelings and discussions about those hurt feelings, but those discussions easily upset me. It's so easy to slide back into the thoughts abut what a terrible person I am. "Why am I being so selfish. I should think about her feelings, too. Why didn't I do that? I'm so horrible that I didn't think of her in all of this."
However, I do need to be a bit selfish in order to keep getting better. Working on myself is not an overnight fix. In the end, I just have to apologize and learn from my mistakes.
Going forward, I need to think at least a little bit about what I'm doing and how it does impact the people around me. If I want to organize the house and put things in new places, I need to let everyone know what I'm planning and give them a heads up!
It's hard, though, when the mood strikes and I just want to do a spur of the moment project. Unfortunately, there may be times when they get home and find things a little different. I can only hope that they can see why I did it and can enjoy a more organized, clutter free home!